Day 2

I like to have fun. I like that I like to have fun. You know...'cause it's fun. Like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke (my all time favorite movie), making a game out of laying tar in a chain gang, no one can stop me from having fun. They can tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it but they can't stop me from wringing every ounce of joy out of whatever is in front of me. This I have learned so far. Have to do the dishes? Fine. But me, I'm putting on some music, pouring a glass of wine or a cocktail and taking my sweet time. Time to think. Time to listen to some old forgotten album that I haven't heard in a while or just time to make the world around me, or at the very least the kitchen, a little less cluttered. Now I use this as just one example. I say this only because I'm sure there is no shortage of people out there who would challenge my assertion that doing dishes can be fun or even the very fact that I actually do dishes. Again, this is merely an example. Please do not inundate me with frivolous requests to do your dishes. I have a hard enough time doing my own in a timely manner. I am merely suggesting ways to make a unpleasant task a little more fun. But I digress.

Sometimes, I like going grocery shopping with friends. For those that know me, they will tell you I approach such stores as the grocery store, Target or Walmart with a sense of joy and wonder. Rows and rows of exciting things just waiting to leap off the shelf into your cart, soon to become a rewarding meal with all sorts of flavors bursting in your mouth. For instance, there are like twenty six different flavors of Orbit gum that you can rearrange in all sorts of rainbows and pallets of color when the check out girl is not looking. There are flavors of Pop-Tarts and breakfast cereals that are just crying out to jump into your basket. Cereals with marshmallows, little oat clusters that are happily endorsed by friendly talking squirrels, stuff that changes the color or flavor of your milk! How can you not stroll down an aisle like this without a certain amount of childlike rapture? There are wonderfully provocative things in the grocery store like Bone Suckin' Sauce which makes you just want to shout out at the top of your lungs every time you pass it, "BONE SUCKIN' SAUCE?! HEY, HONEY LOOK, THEY'VE GOT BONE SUCKIN' SAUCE! WANNA DO SOME BONE SUCKIN' TONIGHT? OOH, CAN WE? CAN WE?" The grocery store is like a big edible toy store with amazing and exotic things in it like Bone Suckin' Sauce and little chicken nuggets shaped like stars and dinosaurs. They have fanciful places in there like the popsicle aisle. Ever been to the popsicle aisle? It's like twenty feet of pure wonder. And the popsicle aisle is always at the end of the store. Kinda like the prize booth at Chucky Cheese where you go to cash in your Skee-Ball tickets at the end of the day in exchange for something new and exciting. At the end of a long exciting day of shopping, you should get popsicles. Or at least some ice cream. Or a bottle of Magic Shell that you can pour all over the frozen peas when Mom's not looking and then convince your little sister later on that they're Raisinettes. Scooby Doo is in the popsicle aisle! And Dippin Dots and those little weird half ice cream, half popsicle cones with the gumballs in the bottom. I mean, if you are just running in and out of your grocery store and not taking in all the amazing sights and scents and thrills that your local Publix or Food Lion can offer, you're missing out. Where else in the world can you basically have anything under the sun you want to eat on demand? The place is awesome. Except for the gnomes. (We'll talk about the gnomes at a later date...) Table after table of fresh fruits and vegetables and a tiny little electronic produce god who hides underneath the shelves and makes it rain. They often have coffee and tea in little tiny cups (the grocery stores, not the tiny produce gods) - like the kind you drank apple juice from in kindergarten. It makes you want to drink your tiny coffee, munch on some of the tiny tasties from the deli and crawl underneath the apple bins and take a nap while you dream of wild exotic Pop Tarts and the House On Pooh Corner. Then there's a whole section of cakes and cupcakes and cookies and pies and and...they even sometimes have books, magazines and toys. Often, if they have them, I like to grab one of those super light bouncy balls that they keep in that big cage and bounce around the store with it until its time to check out. Then I throw it really far or kick it over to the next aisle and then blame it on my friend who is currently ten to fifteen feet behind me hiding behind the Nilla Wafer display and explaining to the nearest co-shopper that they don't know me or something snarky about my not taking my medication. Oh, how my heart aches for those poor people who miss out on the pure joy that is grocery shopping. The excitement. The thrills. The BOGOs. I love BOGOs. It's like having that surging adrenaline rush of secretly shoplifting something but doing it legally. It's like you're checking out and right when the unsuspecting rube of a cashier swipes your food with the fullest intent of charging you for it, you go AHA!, but I too am crafty, Ms. Cashier Lady. That is BOGO. It's like you're going "Ha ha! I am going to just take this box of Pop Tarts, no! Make it two- no, six boxes of Pop Tarts and I'm only going to pay for THREE of 'em! And there ain't nothing you can do about it." Then later on you go home and separate out your food into two piles. One pile for the food you paid for and one pile of BOGOs that you swiped from those suckers right out from under them. Every so often, you are like, 'Listen, bitch. Not only are you going to give those as a BOGO but BOO YA, I got a coupon too. Uh! That's right, 50 cents off. You heard me. Those aren't going to be BOGO 2 for $5, those are gonna be BOGO'd for 2 for $4.50. Now whatcha gonna do? Wha? Oh yeah, don't make me drop the dollar yogurt coupon on yo ass!"* Ooh, and they have these amazing rides like the little motorized scooters or the shopping carts that are shaped like fire trucks. They sometimes even give you balloons and cookies. Most people think these are just for children, but that's mostly because they're not used to 36 year olds asking for cookies and balloons. Usually they give 'em to you with out much fuss and it usually takes a while for the shock to wear off before they catch on. And by that time, you're like four aisle away feeding the lobsters in the little tank by the seafood counter sugar cookie crumbs. Because, by this time, you're almost at the cereal aisle and you've found exciting new things to catch your fancy like Froot Loop Cereal straws. Nine boxes of cereal straws later, you are home free. I'm serious. You should try it.

Write this down. This shit is good to know.

Anyway, my point is that it is up to you to decide how you approach things. Like I said, people can tell you where to go, what to do and when to do it but no one, I mean no one can keep you from having fun if you decide you want to have fun- no matter what you are doing.

They can, unfortunately, tell you that you have to wear pants.

Oh, and I really like friendly talking squirrels who like to give nutritional advice. I mean, who doesn't?

*From past experience, I highly recommend that you keep that dialogue in your head. While no one can impede on the joy that is BOGO or coupons and certainly not BOGOs with coupons, one ill spoken "BOGO that, beyutch!" and you can all but count on finding your bread and eggs at the bottom of a very overstuffed bag full of canned goods.